The Mental Load; Ways to Free Up Headspace and Fight Overwhelm
Time to Read: 2 mins
Let go of comparison and do what works best for you and your family.
What this actually looks like; Forget the group WhatsApp’s – the NCT WhatsApp’s, the nursery WhatsApp’s, the school WhatsApp’s. This is a sure-fire way to let anxieties multiply.
We all need support and a likeminded group sometimes who are going through a similar stage of life but hearing 10 different people repeat their own version of the same problem (e.g., have you seen the email about chicken pox at school) isn’t helpful to anyone. We suggest you mute these groups or simply branch off with one or two of the trusted contacts within the group and leave it entirely. Worrying is one of the biggest drains on our already full mind, sometimes worrying is a valid response to something concerning but have a trawl through your parent group WhatsApp’s and try and tally up how much USEFUL energy is spent engaging and reacting to these. If, like us the most common reaction to some of these groups is anxiety, comparison, or pointless worry it may be time to leave.
The same can be said for social media, if you often come away from Instagram, TikTok or Facebook feeling low about yourself or your parenting style it may be time to either cull who you’re following or to reduce time spent on these apps. Most of us need a mindless scroll now and again to relax or switch gears from work mode into chill mode but being a bit more mindful of how some of the content is actually making you feel will ensure this habit isn’t at the detriment of taking up valuable headspace.
Trust your instincts; we can google anything we want to nowadays, read books about how to care for our children, listen to podcasts, there’s just so much content. While there’s nothing wrong with research now and then try to listen to your body and mind and see what comes naturally. We often already have the answer that’s right for us and we don’t need to research it. It’s like citymapping a place in Soho that you’ve been to 100 times, put your phone down and just make your way there looking around you and remembering what way feels right.
Subtraction of tasks and thoughts.
What this actually looks like; take something off the list. Self-care doesn’t have to be ANOTHER thing you need to get done. Why not try self-care in the form of taking something OFF the list. It could be a chore (outsource a pile of ironing once a week, order a takeaway once a week, let the neighbour who loves your dog take them out). Giving yourself a chance to breathe is one of the best self-care hacks there is.
And once you’ve taken something off your plate resist the temptation to replace it with something else – say no to things you don’t really want to go to or do. This could include seeing your in-laws, you don’t need to go every time – your partner is more than capable of taking the children to see them on his own and your in-laws will relish the special time. You agreed to go for a coffee with the moany mum from the school gates? Change your mind, just because you had a moment of weakness when she cornered you doesn’t mean you need to go through with it. The reality is, everyone has a limited energy budget so you’ll need to get comfortable with saying no to anyone or anything that is taking up too much and leaves you depleted.
Learn what your boundaries are and then make some plans to set them in place. Do you want 3 hours free every evening or is half an hour enough for you since you always like to be busy and on the move? Whatever you want and need make a plan to fit that and then be strict with anything that gets in the way!
Greg’s Response
One of the greatest gifts of being a Dad is not being part of mum’s WhatsApp groups! The intention is great but having read a few of them over Zoe’s shoulder it appears to be a cauldron of anxiety, wrapped in good intentions. I noticed Zoe’s mood and mental health improve when she removed herself from them. Distractions are critical as a parent, but its so critical to manage your mental load. Of course, worrying about your children is normal, but don’t fuel negative emotions accidentally, trust your instinct and focus back on your routine.
TAKEAWAYS
Listen to your instincts, trust your gut and try not to worry too much about what other people are doing.
What can you take off your list? Delegate or let go.
What do you need for you? Work out how much time and the logistics of what you need and then set a plan in place to meet these needs each week. Curve balls will always come up so try to think of a plan b so that you can still do a version of what you want when this inevitably happens.
